Saturday, January 31, 2009

What a day!

Today I am rejoicing. For the past two years I have been in and out of the hospital with my back. Numerous doctor visits, anxiety over finances, it's all been a daily part of my life. Yesterday my attorney emailed me with the news Worker's Comp has agreed to pay my medical bills related to my back...for the rest of my life. And to pay a monetary settlement for lost wages. I was in tears. Incredulous. Then last night when Mr. Insomnia was in full bloom, I read the Psalms. Ones of praise. Ones of faith. And the tears then were ones of joy for a Father who loves and cares for me in ways I could never imagine. I may never know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. And He is my friend. And I am His. Today I am in awe of His kindness to me. Blessings to all....

Monday, January 26, 2009

Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea

It's almost 12:30am and I'm wide awake. So, I just fixed a cup of tea. On the side of the box I read the most interesting quote by Henry David Thoreau. I thought I would share it with you.

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.

To everything there is a season. This is the season of insomnia (among other things) for me I guess. Sigh.

confessions of a modern day woman, I'm not superwoman.

I suffer depression. It's not a big secret, but I NEVER say it to myself. Somehow I would rather have three noses than be a commercial for menopausal, whiney, drab, depressed women.

It's not a hard thing to figure. Women are under tremendous pressure to never age, to make more money, to have perfect children,to have perfectly decorated forever clean houses, to cook like Rachel Ray. And on and on and on. Then there is me. I'm real. About as real as anyone gets.

Over the weekend I fixed my new clock up with family pics. It's one of those that has a slot for each hour to put in a picture of someone. Of course it's a grandchildren clock now. But the darned thing wouldn't start after I put in a new battery. My son and my husband both walked in the room and said at the same time, "she put the battery in upside down." Did I? Yup. I sure did. I'm so perfectly imperfect and so hysterically funny in my ding-iness, even I laugh at me. Laughter which of course causes major eye corner wrinkles. Oh well...

Back to the depression thing. There are days it's a struggle to get dressed. Going outside requires a lot of willpower. I see someone. He's a great doctor and I have every belief that someday I'll be ok again. All I really need is a little psychotherapy and some estrogen and some chocolate.

So now that Deb has opened doors for self evaluation, I wanted to be real. Sometimes I think I'm alone, but then I realize I'm not. The world is full of women like me who battle inner demons. It's so overwhelming to realize Our Lord is bigger than all of them. So, for today, I'll suit up, grab my cape and carry on. How about you???

Sunday, January 11, 2009

so long, good bye...

Today at church we did the neatest thing. Everyone wrote down things they want to give over to God on a slip of paper. Things like selfishness, anger, unforgiveness, etc. The pastor then nailed it to a plain wooden cross. We prayed and sang and when we went home, we left it there. The paper with our burden clearly spelled out...the one we want to give to the Father who loves us and longs for us to trust Him with our every care. I am so blesssed with this type of visual thing. In my mind I will see the Pastor nailing that paper to the cross and me leaving it there for God to deal with and find strength in knowing I cannot keep going back to the same old problems over and over again. I also loved when the pastor said we can't use the old Flip Wilson excuse, "The devil made me do it." any more. Plain and simple. Not new, but it's those plain and simple words I need to hear to encourage me. I guess when you boil it all down, I need to hear simple encouragement and words of faith repeatedly.

He commented about the often stated, "we are living in the worst of times." But, because we live in a land where we are free, we can openly worship Our Lord. We can openly support each other in our Christian walks. He said we are living in the BEST of times. What a great way to look at life. Starting today I will work harder to cultivate an attitude of gratitude and thankfulness. I usually am fairly thankful and positive, but not enough. I think it's just the plain meat and potato(e) sermon I needed to hear. I am uplifted...and smiling.

God is good.

Thursday, January 1, 2009


1 Samuel 17:45-47 (English Standard Version)
45Then David said to the Philistine, "You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. 46This day the LORD will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you down and cut off your head. And I will give the dead bodies of the host of the Philistines this day to the birds of the air and to the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, 47and that all this assembly may know that the LORD saves not with sword and spear. For the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give you into our hand."

Oh my!! I read about David and Goliath New Year's Eve Day. Of course I have always known the story, but the above verses jumped out at me. I reread them about three or four times and laughed out loud. wow! In today-speak, I translated it to..."World, you come at me with your lures and anti-Christian trash talk. You defile the Living God. He is going to deliver you into my hand and through Him, I will strike you down and cut off your head. (those of you who know me well are probably laughing by now at the visual of meek mannered, peace making me and heads rolling...eek!) When I stand firm in the Name of The Lord of Hosts, Goliath might as well take to the hills."

It is impressed upon me what an honorable God we serve. What a warning to those who defile (to make foul, dirty, or unclean; pollute; taint; debase, to violate the chastity of, to make impure for ceremonial use; desecrate, to sully, as a person's reputation.) Our God, He will wreak the worst vengeance. The little skirmishes in life may go to the evil one, but the Battle is His...and so I am reminded once again..Hallelujah!!

So, I'll keep studying this and keep claiming it as my very own message from God to begin 2009. I just had to share it with you. God is so wonderful and awesome. All we have to do is be obedient and KNOW WHO WE are in HIM! Something to get excited about...Happy New Year and may God bless you and your families richly as you continue in your walk with Him. Talk about a New Year's Blessing....