I suffer depression. It's not a big secret, but I NEVER say it to myself. Somehow I would rather have three noses than be a commercial for menopausal, whiney, drab, depressed women.
It's not a hard thing to figure. Women are under tremendous pressure to never age, to make more money, to have perfect children,to have perfectly decorated forever clean houses, to cook like Rachel Ray. And on and on and on. Then there is me. I'm real. About as real as anyone gets.
Over the weekend I fixed my new clock up with family pics. It's one of those that has a slot for each hour to put in a picture of someone. Of course it's a grandchildren clock now. But the darned thing wouldn't start after I put in a new battery. My son and my husband both walked in the room and said at the same time, "she put the battery in upside down." Did I? Yup. I sure did. I'm so perfectly imperfect and so hysterically funny in my ding-iness, even I laugh at me. Laughter which of course causes major eye corner wrinkles. Oh well...
Back to the depression thing. There are days it's a struggle to get dressed. Going outside requires a lot of willpower. I see someone. He's a great doctor and I have every belief that someday I'll be ok again. All I really need is a little psychotherapy and some estrogen and some chocolate.
So now that Deb has opened doors for self evaluation, I wanted to be real. Sometimes I think I'm alone, but then I realize I'm not. The world is full of women like me who battle inner demons. It's so overwhelming to realize Our Lord is bigger than all of them. So, for today, I'll suit up, grab my cape and carry on. How about you???
7 comments:
Me too. I didn't even realize the reason I was crying so much was depression till I went to the doctor for something else and couldn't stop crying while talking to her! Women carry a lot, especially today. That's why its good to have one another to ask for prayer and give support. I'm with you sister!!
I did that - what Pat did. Felt like a fool and haven't gone back to that doctor since. It was my first visit and wow, what an impression I must have made!
Chocolate. You just need more chocolate. And I'm here - always!!
:)
Dawna - tell Deb it was my first appointment too - a brand new doctor.
First entry in my new patient chart?
Depression...or nuts, I'm not sure!
You both are so sweet. See, God looked down at this nut and decided to show me others from the same tree. I couldn't cry for so long, now there are days I just can't stop. It's not like there aren't reasons to cry, just that it's out of character for me to ever be so blue. I cried the first time I saw my "shrink" (I'm sure he'd hate that term)and I felt like an idiot, but he smiled and said I was a very nice person in spite of where life had me at this moment and that I can be ok again. I liked him immediately. Still do. We should all have a doc we can cry in front of. And friends like you two....
what a great post. I carry this horrible suitcase around with me that contains "you're never going to be beautiful and you're not special". I gotta drop that off at the nearest greyhound station without a luggage tag and LEAVE it there.
And pat & deb, maybe God lead you there for a fresh perspective...
Thanks Margie. I, too, have a list of my "when I am...fill in the blank". My initial thought to share here is how grateful I am God doesn't make me wait til I am perfect to love me. How awesome is that? Oh, and I'll meet you at that station and we'll leave empty handed together. Now THAT'S Heaven. hugs....
I am reading this article second time today, you have to be more careful with content leakers. If I will fount it again I will send you a link
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